We Aren’t Representing Older LGBT+ Adults

I came out when I was relatively young, and that is the narrative I see. I see coming out stories that are close to mine. I see media about young folks I can relate to, and many resources I have access to revolve around folks who are loud about their identities. Although it is not a negative thing to be be loud and proud, and young folk’s voices are not always listened to, but it may be time to shift the spot-light.

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Terms

• Coming out: Someone’s personal experience when telling themselves, family, or friends about their LGBT+ identity.

• Transgender: A person who does not identify as the gender they were socialized as (ex. A transgender woman would be someone who was socialized as a man but identifies as a woman).

•  Older adult: The preferred term over ‘senior’.

•  LGBT+: An acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (and more).

Patricia Davies of Leicestershire, England

 “I was 60 when it all came pouring out to my wife, she was very sympathetic and helped me all the way but we agreed to keep it quiet,” Davies said, “She used to buy me jewelry and she would call me Patricia. I kept it a complete secret".
This narrative was one I was extremely unfamiliar with. Being too young to marry or have children of my own yet, I have never experienced having to come out on that level.

I had rarely given thought as to how Pride events exclude older adults. I knew how they were usually 19+, which left out youth, but was unaware of how Pride events were rarely inclusive of older LGBT adults. 
Saskatoon Pride Festival 2016 did not offer any LGBT+ events that specifically targeted older adults. Events that were purposefully quieter and targeted both older adults who were out, and those who were not. The closest event might have been a bingo night, but it was a dirty (or as saskatoonpride.ca described it: “alternative mind”) and the prizes involved alcohol (which would make many uncomfortable, since many LGBT+ individuals struggle with alcohol dependencies.

 In an article by Tina Donivan, a 61 year old transgender woman, she explains how organizations have given her support to help her in becoming sober and find friends, and become a role model. “I have worried about growing older alone. I have been concerned that should I remain single, I will not have a caregiver. My experience of losing friends and lovers has shrunk my ability to make new friends and feel part of a community. However, the organizations that I belong to put me in touch with other organizations that serve different needs. As a result, my isolation has decreased and my fears about getting older alone have lessened”.
  

I am still fairly young, so I cannot speak to the lived experiences of older adults who have come out, but I can speak to the little to no representation I see around LGBT+ older adults.  

A recent interview with WWII veteran (2017), Patricia Davies, grew extremely popular and was talked about by many in the community, but it shed a light on an issue that many have been quiet on, where are all the LGBT+ older adults? They obviously exist, the problem is, is that organizations are not giving them the proper space and resources, and media outlets are not giving them proper representation.


 Davies is a 90 year old transgender woman, and describers her experience of being closeted for years and knowing she was a woman but not having a term for how she felt.

 Another narrative by Christina Comeau, a 60 year old transgender woman, spoke to the fear surrounding coming out for older adults, and the difficulty and risks faced. 

"It's terrifying to come out in that context people have built an entire life for themselves embedded in communities and jobs and often family 

where they might have kept these feelings quite secret". 

It is extremely important to focus on everyone in the LGBT+ community, giving them adequate resources, space, and representation, regardless of age. For older adults this could mean organizations offering events that are alcohol free and quieter, so adults that are not out can have space to be themselves and feel safe.