An Intimate Look At Elderly Relationships

     My family gatherings are full of stories from or about my grandparents. Stories of what it was like growing up on the farm. Stories of us grandchildren that make us all either laugh or feel embarrassed of how we were as children. Stories that defined our lives way back then and also shape us now. There was one in particular that has been brought up multiple times that, as embarrassing as it is, shows subconsciously how lucky my grandparents are.

     When my sister was younger, she walked in on my grandparents having a rather intimate moment without them knowing. Earlier that morning, she decided she wanted to surprise our grandparents by making the couple block trip to their house after we had an early breakfast. Not seeing any problem with it, my mom sent her on her way. After arriving, Brittany, my sister, did what we always did when we went to grandmas. She let herself in without knocking. Not seeing either of them in the kitchen or living room, she decided to check the bedroom. So she did. After seeing something she didn't understand, and not wanting to interrupt, she went and sat on the front steps outside. When my grandma later went to go get the morning paper, there was Brittany sitting on the front steps. Seeing her there left my grandma wondering how long she had been there, and how much she had seen.

     There is an important message behind this that some don't consider. It's the question of if elderly people still engage in intimacy or do people become asexual as soon as they hit a certain milestone in age. The answer should be obvious. With my grandparents, they both still live in their own home and don't depend on assisted living care like some other people the same age as them. But would that intimacy they share still be there if they where both in a nursing home? This is something that some residents do have to deal with.

     I read an article a couple months back by Alex Colgan called Grandma's Bedroom Secrets. It talked about some of the problems that people living in nursing homes face in regards to intimacy, or lack of. The article points out that though residents are older in age and are dependent in some aspects of their lives, it should not effect their right to engage in intimacy. If both parties are able to give consent, then there should be no reason that their right to intimacy should be rejected.

"Lois Horath is a senior registered at St. Joseph's Integrated Care Center, a 10-bed LTC facility in Lestock, Saskatchewan. When asked about suppression, she tells the story of a women who had separated from her husband. The widowed fellow across the hall from the woman wanted to pursue a relationship. He went to her room a few times. There, they held hands--until staff hustled him out one evening, saying he wasn't allowed in her room. Horath pleaded the would-be couples' case with staff members, but they were adamant: The two couldn't have a relationship. Administration later released a memo affirming the rights of residents to engage in relationships. Yet, out of fear, both residents said they were just good friends."

     There should not be fear in a person when wanting pursue a relationship. Capable adults, no matter where they live, should be able to engage in any form of relationship they want. Though home at that moment may be a care home, it is still their home. 

     

     This is a picture of my grandparents on their 50th anniversary, dancing to the same song that they danced to when they first got married. If it is true that after the age of 60 people become asexual, than my grandparents have poked a few holes in its logic. It's time to let love grow.

References:

Colgan, A. (2012). Grandma's Bedroom Secrets. Toronto, Red Maple Foundation.

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